My Gripe on….relationships.
So. This weeks ‘My gripe on’ is inspired by conversations I have been having lately with people. Relationships are apparently complicated. I mean, I can’t really relate but that’s what I have heard. I have been in only one relationship…the same relationship I am in today. My boyfriend and I will be celebrating our 7th year anniversary this August. This is a big deal to me because I watch so many people fall in and out of relationships. I guess I don’t understand. People tell me I see things too simply, but maybe its because they make mountains out of molehills. I’m talking in circles. I should start over.
I guess the biggest thing that gets me is what I hear when I tell people I’m in a long distance relationship. I always get “Oh that’s too hard, I don’t know how you do it” or “Oh, good luck with that”. This is as if long distance relationships are impossible or…my boyfriend lives on the moon. Granted, sometimes it feels like he does lol I live in Chicago and he lives in Canada. So naturally we don’t see each other all the time. We see each other one month a year because that’s all we can afford…and up until recently (he just graduated), we had been busy with school. It is both difficult and expensive (about 1000 for him to visit). Yet, we have made it work. The way I see it, if you really want to be with the person, you’ll make it work. Not everything has to be easy. Maybe because I’m used to working hard to get what I want throughout my life and my relationship is no different. I didn’t know if Paul and I would make it when we first started dating. Naturally, nobody knows the longevity of a relationship when they start it. You hope. You dream and wish for the best but there’s no real way of knowing.
When People tell me how “hard” being in a long distance relationship is…I just shrug. Yes, it does suck at times. I WOULD love to be with Paul all the time, but if you really love that person enough you’ll stand the hard times (for whatever reason). That’s what I have done these past nearly 7 years. I know that we will eventually be able to live together, but not right now. So, I have a choice: either be with him until that happens OR…break up and go out with someone closer (but possibly be less happy). No, I wouldn’t stay in a long distance relationship unless I really wanted to be with the person.
But then again I wouldn’t be with anyone regardless of the distance if I didn’t really like the person. Nothing in my life has been easy and I was VERY lucky to find a guy who liked me for who I was…especially in a time of my life when I was all over the place…high school. I had a lot of self-esteem issues, was having problems making friends (most of the kids at my school were…preppy. I was the weird ‘black’ goth/punk kid…ergo, not a lot of friends), and all the other issues life can bring. He was going through a similar thing himself…being that weird, awkward “geeky” kid, issues with how you view yourself and all that. So we had a lot in common in that aspect. Of course we had a lot of other things in common, so that helped. We connected and it was that simple. I realized that I was willing to deal with being in a long distance relationship, as unsure as I was about being in ANY relationship (he was/is my first boyfriend), for as long as it would last. I didn’t know it would still be going on, now almost 7 years later.
I think the reason people say it’s so hard being in one is because of the lack of physical contact. Yes, I want him to be near. I do want to hug him and cuddle blah blah blah. And Yeah, I’d like to be….intimate (we are adults…). But I didn’t get into a relationship solely for those reasons. Relationships shouldn’t be about sex or just physical contacts. You can hire prostitutes for that. Whatever. I got into a relationship because I want to be with someone…and connect on an emotional and mental level. You can be attracted to anyone that’s good looking. You can feasibly have sex with anyone. But you can’t feel compatible and connected with just anyone. It is a bit more difficult. Being sexually attracted to someone is easy. Finding that someone that you just “click” with, is harder to do. No, I can’t be physically with him everyday right now. But i can talk to him everyday. We talk EVERY single day on Skype (skype is amazing for long distance). We text each other during the day to keep in touch, which is always nice.
We play games on steam and laugh about random (and probably stupid) stuff that happens. It keeps us connected despite the physical distance and I don’t feel like my relationship is any less real. I also don’t feel it is lacking because he isn’t physically here with me. I think that if more people put aside the absolute NEED to be physically in contact all the time with someone, that a lot more people would be in (or at least respect) long distance relationships. I’m not saying it gets to be difficult at times, but it isn’t as bad as people make it seem to be.
But I guess a lot of people don’t take things seriously. So many younger people are just out fooling around, and wonder why they can’t find legit boyfriends/girlfriends. I just count my lucky stars I found a guy who isn’t a complete joke or a douche bag looking to bang some chick and go about his life. lol I know a group of people a few years ago who made this facebook group ridiculing my relationship, sort to speak…saying that my relationship wasn’t real because we only communicated on skype (wasn’t physically together all the time, etc). Well, life has a funny way of presenting itself.
Two of the people involved are still together, but they’re overly cheesy two-faced chumps and I’d rather drink Cyanide than be like them (especially as their TRUE personalities showed later on). The other two…well the guy is still a good friend of mine (we eventually made up)…but he DUMPED his girlfriend (who was also involved in the group making…we are on speaking terms, but not friends. Just…associates) like a bad habit. Karma is a true bitch. Made fun of my relationship, aaaaaaaaaand then got your ass dumped. You get what you deserve eventually. Sorry bout it. Granted both girl and guy are in their own relationships now but I really only see the guy friends relationship actually working out. Meh.
Another thing I hear a lot is that because of the distance, I don’t know if he’s cheating on me. Ok, seriously. Let’s think about this. Since when was couples in long distance relationships the ONLY ones that deal with infidelity. I’m pretty positive married couples in the same H O U S E have problems with that (the divorce rate is high for more than one reason). If a person can cheat on his/her spouse while living in the same home and the other isn’t aware (this happens a lot)…I think I’ll take my chances. The problems isn’t the dynamics of the relationship…it’s the PEOPLE involved. If my boyfriend was the cheating type, he would cheat regardless of where he’s at. That’s my two cents, at least. Yeah it’s theoretically easier to cheat when we’re not in the same place. Yeah, that does make sense. However, because he is far away does not automatically mean he is. He isn’t the type of person to be a cheater…and if he wanted some Canadian ass, he could get some for free without paying 1000 a year to come down to visit ME.
That would make no sense at all. lol Nobody has that kind of money to throw away. I know I wouldn’t pay that kind of money…I’d just break up with the person and be with someone else closer if that’s what I was looking for. And again, I have just as much of a problem with being cheated on as anybody else. So, I might as well take my chances and I have not been disappointing. Similarly, some people that knew him said he shouldn’t be in a relationship with ME because I could be cheating on HIM with someone in Chicago. Now, I know I’m not cheating lol If I wanted someone closer, I’d just be with that person. It goes both ways. Girls cheat too. But I don’t. And I know he doesn’t. Our relationship is built on trust among other things.
The latest thing I have had to “defend” about my relationship is my future plans. He has graduated already and is searching for a full time job on his field. I am graduating in December of this year and going to graduate school in Canada. Yes, I will be going to Canada. For those who say to me “Oh, why are you following your boyfriend to Canada? make him come to you”…firstly, go fuck yourself. I am not following anyone. I have had a lot of bad life experiences where I am at now…and I want a brand new start. Yeah I could go anywhere else in the US but none of the places interest me. I am also the type of person to do something like move to another country (people who know me personally will tell you the same). He OFFERED to come down to stay here with me, but I declined. I made my own choice of how I want my new life to go. We can leave it at that.
I am excited at the notion of moving to a new place and starting a new life with him. That’s all I can really say about it. I have had people say it’s a bad idea, but I don’t think I should take relationship advice considering so many young people can’t get their own shit together. So many people are in and out or relationships for multiple reasons. I have managed to date ONLY one guy since I was in high school, through college and now on the next step of living together…and going from there. So, I think people need to take a lesson instead of trying to give one. Regardless, I don’t particularly give a damn about other peoples relationships. Do what you will, and I’ll continue to live my life and be happy. No, nothing is ever fully promised…but again, I will take my chances and go with what (and who) makes me happy.
Feel free to comment with any thoughts you might have. Thanks for listening 😛